What determines a long life? Is it genetics, riches, fame, or intelligence? Think again. While a healthy lifestyle and surroundings matter, the deciding factor is the quality of one’s interpersonal bonds.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development (click here), which began in 1938, is a testament to this. Observing 268 sophomores, among the initial cohort were notables like John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee. This intensive long-term study revealed a standout finding: strong personal relationships are key to longevity and play a significant role in staving off mental and physical deterioration.
This understanding bodes well for retirees with a circle of caring friends and family. However, what about those who find themselves distant or cut off from their kin? Mark Sichel, an Austin-based clinical social worker, emphasizes the profound importance of close bonds. “Having deep relationships is essential,” he observes. And, in the absence of familial connections, deep friendships can prove to be just as valuable.
Reconciliation with estranged family can also prove fruitful. Sichel’s own experience in 2006 exemplifies this. Choosing to mend bridges with his ailing father during an unplanned hospital visit led to an immediate reconciliation. Taking initiative is crucial, Sichel advises, “One must take the first step to mend a frozen bond.”
However, the motive behind reconciliation is paramount. Simply aiming for longevity might not be sufficient. Relationships demand genuine commitment and authentic intent. Joshua Coleman, author of “Rules of Estrangement,” suggests that seeking only longevity might not be enough motivation to truly invest in reconciliation.
Moreover, when trying to mend broken bonds, it’s wise to focus on building a future rather than dwelling on past disputes. “Move past old grievances. Dwelling on past hurts harms you, not them,” Sichel advises.
For many seniors, the challenge isn’t just about mending old bonds but about evaluating the quality and depth of their current relationships. Lucy Blake, a psychology expert, emphasizes two markers of robust relationships: minimal conflict and enduring mutual fondness.
Given the severe health implications of profound isolation, fostering connections becomes ever more crucial. Active socializing can be the bedrock on which meaningful future relationships are built. While strong relationships don’t promise longevity, the effort to build and maintain them is undeniably worth it.
